I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
