That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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