break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize