Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
