Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
