Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
