Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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