Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
