tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
