im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
