And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
