Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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