do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
