At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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