when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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