Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
