So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
