Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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