atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
