defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
