We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
