I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
