if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
