Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my shit smells like andre
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
