You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
