Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
