did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
