i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
