I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
