The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
