i was born a porn star she said
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
