Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im six kinds of drunk right now
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize