so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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