clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
