One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
