I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
