I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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