I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
