Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
