i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
