He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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