Screwed.edu
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
