I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
