dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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