I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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