Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize