this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize