Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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