Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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