Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
