i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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