just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize