And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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