You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
