I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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