Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
