My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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