People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
