apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize