I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
