Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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