We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
