i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
