In America we eat man semen.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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