When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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