you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
