god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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