I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
