Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
