tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
