I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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