Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
