If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize