does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
