I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize