3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
