I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
