I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
