You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
