is your mom at the bar?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
