She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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