Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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