THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
