I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
