Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
