glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
