Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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