Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
