He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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