a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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