I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
